Vote Mom for President
That’s right; I’m delving into the world of politics. Since the Bozos we now have in Washington are doing such a stellar job, I figured it was about time someone who knows really how to run things got into office.
That person is not Gingrich, Romney, or even the current occupant of the White House. Nope, none of them get my vote. This year, I’m voting for Mom. And by the end of this article, you’ll agree.
First of all, no mom would send her child to war to settle a dispute. Nope, when we had an argument, Mom just put us in Time Out and told us to go to our rooms. We stayed in our rooms until we cooled off and agreed not to fight anymore. This type of peace negotiation worked every time.
Looking at all the wars around the world, I really think we need a Global Time Out. France needs to sit in one corner with their back to the world; Iran in the opposite corner and Afghanistan in yet another.
They should stay there until they could act like civilized countries and not like kids. The only problem is I don’t think we have enough corners for every petty little dictator, ruler, or president out there.
Next, if my Mom were President, a lack of money would no longer be an issue. She’d never let the nation’s spending get this far out of control.
Nope, in our house there was no such thing as deficit spending. Mom ran on a tight budget and simple logic. When she ran out of money, she’d stop spending.
You can’t spend what you don’t have – a simple enough concept. I wonder why those people in Washington haven’t figured that one out yet. Guess the voters aren’t the only ones they’re not listening to – growing up they didn’t listen to their moms.
Mom had other good ideas too – ones that could actually help this country out. If we didn’t do our chores around the house, she had the solution: we didn’t eat and we certainly didn’t get our allowance. It wasn’t long before we got hungry and went to work.
Mom wouldn’t understand why people who don’t work and stay at home still get paid. If she found out, she’d have a conniption. Ever seen a conniption? Didn’t think so, but take it from me, I saw a couple growing up – it’s not a good thing.
Mom had the answer to our environmental issues too – a simple solution. If we made a mess around the house, if we spilled something, she’d make us get out a mop, bucket, and sponge.
Cleaning up the mess you make – a unique concept in today’s world. If a big corporation makes a mess of the environment, they – not us – should be made to clean it up. If Mom were President, you could bet she’d make them, or it would be Time Out until they did.
Finally, Mom would never allow gas prices to get so high. Nope, whenever she went shopping at one store and found an item priced too high, she simply shopped somewhere else. If she couldn’t find what she wanted at a decent price, we would do without it or she’d convince us we really didn’t need it in the first place.
Mom’s solution to today’s high gas prices would also be simple: Go buy it somewhere else — or invent something that didn’t use gas.
It should be easy; we havesome really smart people in this country. We’ve got cell phones that are hand-held computers, for crying out loud. Inventing a car that doesn’t run on gas should be a snap. Just get the Microsoft and Apple folks together. They’d come up with something by the end of the year.
Rumor has it that before he died, Steve Jobs already invented such an app for your car. Those folks at Apple are going to release it this November – just in time for the Christmas buying season.
There’s only one problem with electing Mom as President. Whose mom would we elect?
I’m voting for the mom who believes in Time Out, that if you don’t work you don’t eat, and in not spending money you don’t have. And, of course, I’m voting for the mom who would make people and corporations clean up their own messes.
As far as all those negative ads that are flooding the airwaves, my Mom had a great answer to them way back when we lived at 110 Flamingo Street. She always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.”
If she only did these things, Mom would be remembered as one of the greatest presidents ever elected.
[Rick Ryckeley, who lives in Senoia, has been a firefighter for over 26 years and a weekly columnist since 2001. His email is firstname.lastname@example.org. His book is available at www.RickRyckeley.com.]